I once heard this phrase long ago, and it has stuck with me over the years. Many clients have asked me to clarify my meaning when I boldly pronounce: “I’m sorry. You just can’t get there from here.”
Our Silent Superpower!
Most of our struggles emerge from how we focus our attention. Where attention flows, our energies will go. And thus, our lives now follow.
In prior articles, I have proffered the idea that we all have a superpower, which mostly goes unnoticed or ignored. That superpower is our capacity to choose what we focus upon. In essence, it’s how we manage, or fail to manage, what gets our attention. Said differently, what do we focus on?
Not to be redundant, but please grasp this: What you or I consistently focus upon will ultimately create a heavenly or tormented life. It is our choice.
Most folks move through life following a conditioned mind, meaning that their brain is patterned in specific ways and repeats that pattern repeatedly, with little conscious choice about other options.
We did NOT program that conditioned mind; instead, it was programmed by parents, teachers, society, news, social media, etc. No evil intent is suggested here, but simply that most of us follow in the footsteps of our societal conditioning, whether we intend to or not. (Note: This is certainly not always true and is the reason for this article!)
What Does It Mean: You Can’t Get There From Here!
Most of us seek something better. It’s just natural and part of life.
Whether we want our children to behave better, perform better, or simply be more respectful, we often want things to be better.
As adults, we often want to have more calm rather than anxiety, more happiness rather than sadness, or even more ability to focus and perform rather than procrastinate or ruminate. We want things again to be a bit better.
We may also look outside our home and want politics to be better, or want those who disagree with us to change their minds.
While many examples could be used, in each of these, we often find distress because we are focused upon ‘what is.’ And, we repeatedly find ‘what is’ to be upsetting, frustrating, anxiety-producing, or even anger-provoking.
But yet, we keep focusing on what is here now. We talk about it. We ruminate about it. We yell at it. We go to sleep at times thinking about it.
Yet, this is not what we want to experience. The frustration, anxiety, and anger…none of this is what we want. We find ourselves, however, focused on the unwanted while wanting something different.
And the present ‘unwanted’ is only a portion of the current here and now. But that’s what we keep focused on.
Thus, you can’t get there from here, which means that you can’t get to a better state of living by focusing on the current states of living that bring you distress. Let’s go through some examples.
- You can’t find ease focused upon what brings you stress.
- You can’t teach children to pay attention while you focus on their distractibility.
- You can’t bring peace into the world as you focus on war.
- You can’t find happiness thinking of the things that bring you sadness.
- You can’t find abundance focused upon the absence of abundance.
- You can’t find a happy future focused upon an unhappy past.
- You can’t help your child’s worry by talking about their worry.
- You can’t help your trauma by talking MORE about your trauma.
The Focus Must Be Forward- Toward What You Desire!
To get to any version of a better life you desire, for you or your family, the mastery of your superpower (i.e., your attention) inevitably comes into play. To focus upon the unwanted aspects of the present and to think this will somehow take you to a better life… well, test it and find out. You will discover this path is a circular and repetitive route to a living nightmare.
Instead, focus forward. Focus on what you want and use your mind’s power to get there. You must get ahead of any present reality you find upsetting by thinking and imagining beyond that present reality.
Otherwise, reality will NOT likely bend to your desire to change. Instead, you will wake up, focus on the same upsetting reality, and find yourself upset, thinking things should be different. They will not likely be different. This is reality.
So, your option: You be different.
Think, imagine, and live your life as someone who sees beyond the aspects of the NOW that are upsetting to you. See beyond what you do not like or disagree with to focus on solutions that feel good or thoughts that feel better. Focus on where you want to go, not where your environment has taken you (if that feels bad). Obsess your kid’s strengths and abilities rather than harp upon their distractedness or forgetfulness.
You can always think beyond your current circumstances. This is the secret to using your untapped superpower: Learn to put your attention beyond what upsets you and abandon interest in anything or anyone that makes you the victim of your history.
Every great leader, every terrific parent, every innovative architect, musician, or artist… all lived and created (in their inner reality first) a world beyond the current reality. This is how you can create the life you want to live. Envision, believe, and live your life focused upon what feeds your heart, and watch what is possible to create.
At Capital District Neurofeedback, we use brain-based technologies and forward-focused therapies to help our clients live out of what is possible, not what is currently present and upsetting or limiting their lives. You can do this too. Explore my videos and articles here, or set up a free consult to explore more personal questions.
